April 1st has been cancelled

Associated Press, March 31, 2020, last updated, 11:59 pm

Paris, France ~ G20 leaders, in coordination with other major governments across the globe, announced late last night that they have decided to skip April 1st and jump immediately to April 2nd. The leaders apparently felt that each successive day of this year has turned out worst than the last, so the entire world should just skip a day and get it over as quick as we can. 

The decision took place in a highly secret conference call conducted earlier in the evening on Zoom, with firm guarantees from Eric Yuan and Mark Zuckerberg that no personal data about the convened leaders would be shared with Facebook.

For those questioning the judiciousness of the move, the leaders pointed out that such a measure can easily be justified by the fact that 2020 already has had an extra day, February 29th, and can just give it back.  

Those nations straddling the international dateline have been given the option of choosing to cancel another day in April instead, if April 1st has already proceeded for too long into the morning to be effectively cancelled without disrupting important business transactions.

Insiders reported that there was much discussion of cancelling April in its entirety, but the necessary consensus could not be reached, with the Trump administration—mirroring its policy for just about everything—holding out for just letting the whole thing unravel at its own pace. 

It is believed that the U.S administration had originally proposed Tuesday, November 3, 2020, as the date to cancel, but when they could not get agreement, lost it enthusiasm for the entire exercise.  

People across the world have been advised to amend their calendars. Further adjustments from Higher Authorities may be made as we go further.

New Yorker


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